So the kids and I just finished watching the movie "Enchanted" and it got me thinking....
At the beginning, it starts out with the princess or I guess maiden... all happy and waiting for her prince to come and for them to share in "Love's true kiss". And of course, he comes, sweeps her off her feet (literally) and then says "We shall be married in the morning". So naturally, I scoffed at this and was like "oh right, we meet and are married in the morning and will live happily ever after". And then the movie goes on and the queen casts her to NYC and there she meets Robert who teaches her about the reality of life and she teaches him of course of happily ever afters and they end up in love and together and then Robert's girlfriend ends up with Prince Edward. So what had me thinking was the ending, when it showed Robert's girlfriend and the Prince getting married. This led me to thinking of a simpler time when roles were clearly defined and people knew what they had to do to make life work.
Now just so we are ALL CLEAR... I am a working mom who LOVES her work, and I totally understand the necessities of working and the importance of being with your family and that we live in the 21st century... this is just a train of thought that I am sharing with you!
Now... when the movie ended, I thought now they'll get married and have kids and live happily ever after. And we all know that "Happily Ever After" is relative... that one person's H.E.A might not be yours and there are different ways to define it. But I started to think... they'll have kids, she'll be the nurturer, he'll be the provider and they'll live that life. But wait a minute... why are there so many issues with THAT life? I am striving to live THAT life but still find myself longing for more.... why is that?
I mean, THAT life has worked for years and years and years... and then all of a sudden we decided it didn't and all hell broke loose! What I am referring to (in case you haven't realized) is the Women's Movement. Now HOLD ON! And stop badmouthing me under your breath! I'm not saying the Women's movement was bad.. lotsa good came out of it... changes of laws on reproductive rights, domestic violence, maternity leave, equal pay, voting rights, sexual harassment etc. etc. What I'm referring to is the change in attitude that came from this.
All of a sudden, being a mom and caring for your kids and being the person to kiss all their boo-boos and teach them right from wrong, and taking care of your family and their health and their needs failed to be enough. Women wanted MORE... they wanted to be seen as the men (and I believe we are equal in every way), they wanted to be out there proving their worth instead of caged up in a house with their offspring all day. (I Am Woman Hear Me ROAR!) Now, this is what I see as a negative. Yes we are equal, I believe that! But that doesn't mean we have to pull the "anything you can do I can do better" thing. There is something special and quite noble about a woman who can truly find joy in loving, caring for and raising her family. (Now I am one of those who strives for MORE... I wish I didn't and am working towards finding true happiness and contentment in my primary role as a mother).
So my thoughts had led me to thinking of the past... thinking of that simpler time, when men worked hard to provide for and take care of their family, and when women where nurturing and loving and happy. (Not JUST happy to stay at home... but just overall... HAPPY!)
Ok, so like I mentioned before, I work and LOVE what I do. I am also a stay at home mom and am proud of it! I love my kids and I LOVE being the one who is there for them and who gets to see every side of them and watch them grow on a daily.. hourly.. second-by second basis!
Back to that simpler time... Roles were clearly defined, everyone knew what they did to make life work and it worked. Where they happy? Honestly? I think they were!
I picture a family where the husband gets up to go to work and the wife is there by his side, helping to make his morning easier. I picture that wife ironing his shirt (I HATE IRONING.... just a side-note) and I picture the husband giving her an appreciative kiss as he takes his shirt and buttons up his boots and gets ready for the morning. I picture the wife lovingly making him a hearty homemade breakfast that will help him to have the energy to go about his daily labours. I see their children waking up and doing some chores and having breakfast and I see them getting ready for school or other chores. I see them as a family seeing their father off and telling them they love him as he heads off to work. I see the Mother then helping the children finish getting ready for school and what not and singing a happy little tune as she tidies the kitchen and gets on with her day. I picture the mother cleaning and cooking and tending to their home which is her sanctuary and because of all of her diligence and hard work in making it beautiful and a haven, I see her enjoying it. I see the mother after a busy morning and some chores, reading a book in the afternoon or taking a nap. I see her getting dinner started and her husband coming home from a very busy day and helping set the table. I see the father playing with the kids and asking them about their days. I see the family sitting down for dinner and enjoying each others' company. I see the family kneeling in prayer at the end of the day to offer gratitude to their Father in Heaven for all that they have been blessed with... and aren't they blessed?
OK... now I know some if not MANY of you will tell me that I'm delusional and that's not how life is... that the kids will fight, the parents will fight, the house will be a mess and they'll all be miserable! (ok maybe that's a bit much). I wonder though... how that wife felt. If she felt like she was missing out on a stressful busy day at the office, or if she enjoyed being at home in HER home with her family. I wonder if that husband felt that he was doing all the work and his wife should step up to the plate and do more. If they are truly happy (and I suspect they are). I don't think so.
I think the wife understands her worth and her value in the home. I think she understands the potential she has to influence her children and her family in ways that no secondary caregiver ever could. I think the husband respects and appreciates his wife. I think he knows how much she works to tend to their family and is truly grateful for her as his equal partner.
I think the children see their parents' love for one another and it makes them feel happy and secure. I think they see that their parents don't love every thing they are doing, but they do it happily because they absolutely love whom they are doing it for.
I don't believe every day is a day full of bliss and cheer. I believe many hardships will come to this family, but because they are so happy to be working together and for one another that these hardships will come and go and that this family will remain in tact... completely unshaken.
This family in my mind, was living in a sweet cottage in the prairies sometime in the late 1800s or early 1900s... not unlike Anne of Green Gables. But that doesn't mean that we can't have this family in our homes today.
I am well aware of the drastic changes in time since the picture I had in my head would have been a reality... but that doesn't mean that we can't still have the same spirit that this family had.
I understand that we have sports and school and dance and work and a million things to complicate such a simple life... but still, I wonder... why are we so unhappy? Depression rates are increasing and we seem to be less happy and less content. Why is this? (Just an interesting side-note... that study said that generations have been increasingly more depressed since those born in 1915... since the women's movement started in the 50s... those women born in 1915 would have been 35 at the time of the movement... I'm just saying is all). But why are we getting increasingly more depressed? Didn't women like the one in my little picture get sad or depressed? Didn't they have extremely difficult lives and hormonal imbalances?
My sister-in-law and I were talking about a similar subject not too long ago, she had read a book in which they talked about this. They talked about how women now a days are over thinking, that we are so educated (not a bad thing) that we over analyze. In the book, the author interviews some elderly women, and asked what they did when they got depressed... and the women replied "depressed? Oh honey, we had some hard times, but we just pulled up our socks and worked through it". (Now those may not be the exact words... but something quite similar.) The book went on to say how now a days, we basically diagnose ourselves with all sorts of problems (and I'm not saying chemical depression is just a myth or anything.. trust me I know it isn't) when they just didn't have time or maybe even the knowledge of/for such things.
Now I really hope I didn't totally butcher that book but it made me think, why isn't it enough? Why do we always long for more? Why can't we be happy with what we have? Weren't they happy back then? Part of me wonders if it's that we now feel entitled to soo much. We should work too!(as if being a stay at home mom isn't loads and loads of work and I understand needing to work), We should have a bigger house, We should have a nicer car, We should etc. etc. But is that it? Do we feel entitled to so much that we lose sight of what we do have... and what is so quickly slipping away from us?
And to tell you the truth... this is where my thought process ends... I have no idea why we're so much unhappier as a society... more crime? more murder? would happier homes and families change that? Would a simpler life change that? I don't know... do you?
At the beginning, it starts out with the princess or I guess maiden... all happy and waiting for her prince to come and for them to share in "Love's true kiss". And of course, he comes, sweeps her off her feet (literally) and then says "We shall be married in the morning". So naturally, I scoffed at this and was like "oh right, we meet and are married in the morning and will live happily ever after". And then the movie goes on and the queen casts her to NYC and there she meets Robert who teaches her about the reality of life and she teaches him of course of happily ever afters and they end up in love and together and then Robert's girlfriend ends up with Prince Edward. So what had me thinking was the ending, when it showed Robert's girlfriend and the Prince getting married. This led me to thinking of a simpler time when roles were clearly defined and people knew what they had to do to make life work.
Now just so we are ALL CLEAR... I am a working mom who LOVES her work, and I totally understand the necessities of working and the importance of being with your family and that we live in the 21st century... this is just a train of thought that I am sharing with you!
Now... when the movie ended, I thought now they'll get married and have kids and live happily ever after. And we all know that "Happily Ever After" is relative... that one person's H.E.A might not be yours and there are different ways to define it. But I started to think... they'll have kids, she'll be the nurturer, he'll be the provider and they'll live that life. But wait a minute... why are there so many issues with THAT life? I am striving to live THAT life but still find myself longing for more.... why is that?
I mean, THAT life has worked for years and years and years... and then all of a sudden we decided it didn't and all hell broke loose! What I am referring to (in case you haven't realized) is the Women's Movement. Now HOLD ON! And stop badmouthing me under your breath! I'm not saying the Women's movement was bad.. lotsa good came out of it... changes of laws on reproductive rights, domestic violence, maternity leave, equal pay, voting rights, sexual harassment etc. etc. What I'm referring to is the change in attitude that came from this.
All of a sudden, being a mom and caring for your kids and being the person to kiss all their boo-boos and teach them right from wrong, and taking care of your family and their health and their needs failed to be enough. Women wanted MORE... they wanted to be seen as the men (and I believe we are equal in every way), they wanted to be out there proving their worth instead of caged up in a house with their offspring all day. (I Am Woman Hear Me ROAR!) Now, this is what I see as a negative. Yes we are equal, I believe that! But that doesn't mean we have to pull the "anything you can do I can do better" thing. There is something special and quite noble about a woman who can truly find joy in loving, caring for and raising her family. (Now I am one of those who strives for MORE... I wish I didn't and am working towards finding true happiness and contentment in my primary role as a mother).
So my thoughts had led me to thinking of the past... thinking of that simpler time, when men worked hard to provide for and take care of their family, and when women where nurturing and loving and happy. (Not JUST happy to stay at home... but just overall... HAPPY!)
Ok, so like I mentioned before, I work and LOVE what I do. I am also a stay at home mom and am proud of it! I love my kids and I LOVE being the one who is there for them and who gets to see every side of them and watch them grow on a daily.. hourly.. second-by second basis!
Back to that simpler time... Roles were clearly defined, everyone knew what they did to make life work and it worked. Where they happy? Honestly? I think they were!
I picture a family where the husband gets up to go to work and the wife is there by his side, helping to make his morning easier. I picture that wife ironing his shirt (I HATE IRONING.... just a side-note) and I picture the husband giving her an appreciative kiss as he takes his shirt and buttons up his boots and gets ready for the morning. I picture the wife lovingly making him a hearty homemade breakfast that will help him to have the energy to go about his daily labours. I see their children waking up and doing some chores and having breakfast and I see them getting ready for school or other chores. I see them as a family seeing their father off and telling them they love him as he heads off to work. I see the Mother then helping the children finish getting ready for school and what not and singing a happy little tune as she tidies the kitchen and gets on with her day. I picture the mother cleaning and cooking and tending to their home which is her sanctuary and because of all of her diligence and hard work in making it beautiful and a haven, I see her enjoying it. I see the mother after a busy morning and some chores, reading a book in the afternoon or taking a nap. I see her getting dinner started and her husband coming home from a very busy day and helping set the table. I see the father playing with the kids and asking them about their days. I see the family sitting down for dinner and enjoying each others' company. I see the family kneeling in prayer at the end of the day to offer gratitude to their Father in Heaven for all that they have been blessed with... and aren't they blessed?
OK... now I know some if not MANY of you will tell me that I'm delusional and that's not how life is... that the kids will fight, the parents will fight, the house will be a mess and they'll all be miserable! (ok maybe that's a bit much). I wonder though... how that wife felt. If she felt like she was missing out on a stressful busy day at the office, or if she enjoyed being at home in HER home with her family. I wonder if that husband felt that he was doing all the work and his wife should step up to the plate and do more. If they are truly happy (and I suspect they are). I don't think so.
I think the wife understands her worth and her value in the home. I think she understands the potential she has to influence her children and her family in ways that no secondary caregiver ever could. I think the husband respects and appreciates his wife. I think he knows how much she works to tend to their family and is truly grateful for her as his equal partner.
I think the children see their parents' love for one another and it makes them feel happy and secure. I think they see that their parents don't love every thing they are doing, but they do it happily because they absolutely love whom they are doing it for.
I don't believe every day is a day full of bliss and cheer. I believe many hardships will come to this family, but because they are so happy to be working together and for one another that these hardships will come and go and that this family will remain in tact... completely unshaken.
This family in my mind, was living in a sweet cottage in the prairies sometime in the late 1800s or early 1900s... not unlike Anne of Green Gables. But that doesn't mean that we can't have this family in our homes today.
I am well aware of the drastic changes in time since the picture I had in my head would have been a reality... but that doesn't mean that we can't still have the same spirit that this family had.
I understand that we have sports and school and dance and work and a million things to complicate such a simple life... but still, I wonder... why are we so unhappy? Depression rates are increasing and we seem to be less happy and less content. Why is this? (Just an interesting side-note... that study said that generations have been increasingly more depressed since those born in 1915... since the women's movement started in the 50s... those women born in 1915 would have been 35 at the time of the movement... I'm just saying is all). But why are we getting increasingly more depressed? Didn't women like the one in my little picture get sad or depressed? Didn't they have extremely difficult lives and hormonal imbalances?
My sister-in-law and I were talking about a similar subject not too long ago, she had read a book in which they talked about this. They talked about how women now a days are over thinking, that we are so educated (not a bad thing) that we over analyze. In the book, the author interviews some elderly women, and asked what they did when they got depressed... and the women replied "depressed? Oh honey, we had some hard times, but we just pulled up our socks and worked through it". (Now those may not be the exact words... but something quite similar.) The book went on to say how now a days, we basically diagnose ourselves with all sorts of problems (and I'm not saying chemical depression is just a myth or anything.. trust me I know it isn't) when they just didn't have time or maybe even the knowledge of/for such things.
Now I really hope I didn't totally butcher that book but it made me think, why isn't it enough? Why do we always long for more? Why can't we be happy with what we have? Weren't they happy back then? Part of me wonders if it's that we now feel entitled to soo much. We should work too!(as if being a stay at home mom isn't loads and loads of work and I understand needing to work), We should have a bigger house, We should have a nicer car, We should etc. etc. But is that it? Do we feel entitled to so much that we lose sight of what we do have... and what is so quickly slipping away from us?
And to tell you the truth... this is where my thought process ends... I have no idea why we're so much unhappier as a society... more crime? more murder? would happier homes and families change that? Would a simpler life change that? I don't know... do you?
7 comments:
So interesting to read your thoughts my dear friend. I always think of when I heard that the pioneers will think that we are their heroes. I always thought how did they do it? Leave there homes travel through cold snow and harsh heat with little to no food. And they look at us and say the same thing. How do they do it? It's a different form of trials I think. And I think having an eternal perspective on life is what makes me feel good about being a mother. Realizing in the long run thats what will matter. IT's been a tough 5 years trying to get to that place and I think it comes with maturity and time. We start to realize whats important. It's so hard to fight against what society and everyone around you is saying and It's awful that women start to feel worthless. We should start standing up for the mothers in this world. And not be ashamed of being one.
very interesting thoughts and mine are right up there with yours :-)
Thanks for this post, Kesh. I think we ALL know somewhere deep down, that the truest joys in this life come from our families. If we forget that and look elsewhere, we often feel a void & emptiness. My opinion and experience is ( and yes, I can say that, cause I AM much older than you..lol) to find the balance & prioritize your time approprietly.
When the balance isn't there, you know. Life feels slightly off-kilter. We, as women, are many things. The joy is in discovering what those things are but also in holding dear the 'ones' that matter most.
Everything that you post about is almost exactly what I need to hear...I always wonder why I am I not feeling content? can't I just be happy? It's something that I think we all need to remind ourselves of daily...simplify and enjoy the little things.
Thanks for that, I love being the primary caretaker...sometimes I get bored and want more...but it has been the times in my life when I busy myself in service to others and my fmaily that I am truly happy, I guess it comes through the gospel, that being said, I havent done much service lately and I am bored and feeling very isolated, this post reminds me to get off my butt and do something worthwhile for someone:)
I know exactly what you're saying and that family that you picture is the picture I have of what I want my family to be like. Hopefully I'll be able to figure it out in the near future! Thanks for your words. They were thought provoking and something I needed to hear today.
Can we be like that family? Should we be more like that family? What would life be if we were like that family? Would we be happier? The truth is we really don't know. But can we want to be more like that...I think we certainly can. Isn't that part of the JOURNEY. Isn't that part of figuring it all out. Figuring ourselves out. We are complex. (women, i mean) There are many many sides to each of us women. Can we take the time to find out what those sides are? Most surely YES!. But in that process, we shouldn't loose sight of what truly brings us the greatest of joys! Our family, and our children. For without them, there would be no reason to be here, going through life to only end up alone.
Thanks for sharing my Kesh!!! :)
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